Shut doors and new beginnings.

Well, I graduated from High school.
College, here I come.

As ready as I am to move out from under my parents and into my dorm, I'm scared.
Does that sound silly?
I'm eighteen years old and I don't know if I can live on my own without my mommy and daddy.

Pathetic.

Everyone's telling me that I'm going to change; that college is going to change me.
I hate change.
Well, I don't hate change, it just makes me uneasy.

I don't think I'll change as drastically as people say I will.
Damian and I have a fifty dollar bet going.
He says by the end of my first semester, my hair will be black, I'll have piercings up the wazoo, I'll start drinking, and my purity ring?
yeah, that'll be gone.

I have one thing to say.
I'm fifty bucks richer.

I'm not going to dye my hair black; I'd look ridiculous.
I'm not going to pierce anything other than my ears, because twenty or so years down the road, I'll regret it.
I'm not going to start drinking. First of all, why would I want to do something that makes me act stupid? I'm underage. I'm crazy enough sober. Dealing with Kevin's death made me realize that it's not worth it.
Finally, I'm not going to throw away my morals. I don't break promises, especially not to myself.

Sorry Damian. You're a sucker for taking that bet.

Anyway, I'm relieved that I have enough money to pay for my first year; it takes a tremendous amount of pressure off. I'm actually glad that my parents aren't paying for college. I mean, they paid for private school my whole life, and for that, I thank them. If they didn't, who knows where I'd be right now?

I think that I should pay for college. It's definitely teaching me responsibility. I filled out scholarships and financial aid forms on my own.
Right now, I'm focused on saving my money for dorm life.

...and Jonas concerts xD

Speaking of Jonas,
I'm beyond psyched that they're coming to Baltimore now.
Three shows in one summer?

Heck yes.

Plus, seeing Demi in eight days?

I can't wait.

Her voice is incredible.

Ahh, this summer is going to be the best.
I think the best decision I made so far is NOT going to beach week with my friends.
Two hundred fifty dollars just for a room?
uhh no thank you.

I'll spend my money on something worthwhile [concert tickets and sweet outfits]

Not to mention the fact that spending an entire week with my ex boyfriend [of five years] and my former best friend wouldn't have been much fun on my part.

Uh, awkward? Party of three?

Oh, and my dance recital just happens to be the night they come back.
So, sorry guys. Dance is my life. People who don't really understand me anymore, not so much.

I've found that the people I talk to most, are Jonas fans.
They're some of the most amazing people that I've ever met in my life.

Emily, Kansas, Katie, Ash, Terini, Ashley, Lizzie, Maria, Briggs, Alison, Ally...

you've all had an impact on my life.
Not only do you guys understand my taste in music,
but you understand why I adore those three young men.

It's about so much more than their looks.
Their music, their lyrics, their passion.

Everything they express is everything that I believe in.

My mom made a comment once. She said,

"Sami, you talk about them like they're your next door neighbors instead of famous rockstars."

And right then, I realized she's right.

I have to constantly remind myself that Kevin, Nick and Joe are famous. The way they act and treat their fans make me forget.

I feel like they're my best friends, even though we've never met. It actually scares me a bit. They really are normal kids, just living their dream.

I thank God every day for them.

More later,
--Sami