It's been awhile...

I've been so busy lately.

Things are...interesting.

My friends have replaced me with a new girl.
Sucks, but I knew it was coming; beach week changed everyone.

[I'm sorry that paying $250+ for a trip that I'd have to leave early for
didn't appeal to me.

I'd much rather spend my money on more worthwhile things

...like concert tickets and clothes xD]

Sometimes, I feel like they only tolerated me because I was dating Matt.

...and then I come to my senses.

Whatever; their loss.
I'm not going to sit around and mope.

that's not me. Not anymore, at least.

Most of my time has been spent with CJ or working.
I love spending time with him
working? not so much.

CJ and I are...amazing.
I'm so happy with him.
I can't believe how lucky I am; he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Lately, I've been self-conscious and down, but CJ makes me feel beautiful.
I can't help but smile when I'm with him.

Oh, and I love his family.
They're so...
close.
Kinda like my family,
but more so.

yeah.

Moving day is coming closer, and I'm scared.
What if my roommate doesn't like me?
What if I can't handle the work?
What if I fail?

All these questions have been swimming around in my head, causing sleepless nights for me.
I just toss and turn; willing sleep to wash over me...

but I digress.

Bottom line?

I'm in for the ride of my life
front row
dead center
not knowing where I'm headed
and how crazy it's going to be.

I hate not knowing what's going to happen
but, it's somewhat exhilarating.

Could I be more confusing?
Make up my mind already.

Growing up

Okay, so once upon a time, I was in love.

His name was Matt.
He was my best friend.
The one person in this world that knew every detail about me
and didn't judge me or criticize me.

I could trust him.

Or so I thought.

Sadly, it didn't work out.
I gave him my heart...
he shattered it.

Demolished is actually a better word.

I waited so long.
I tried to make it work.

Relationships, I learned, aren't one-sided.

It was a weird situation.
Bizarre.

But I guess I deserved it.
Karma is definitely a bitch.

All the times I broke his heart
came back to haunt me.

I just wish I still had my best friend...

So anyway, back to my story.

This heartache came at the worst possible time.
Everything in my life was in a downward spiral.

Believe me, it wasn't stupid, petty drama like, "Ohhhh mah gawd. That girl, like, totally betched me out."
[excuse the dumb girly lingo. I'm just trying to make a point.]

It was a big issue. [As in depth as I'm going.]

My friends noticed a change in my personality.
Instead of my usual, hyperactive self
I was quieter.

I was trying to hold on to a relationship, but I was grasping at air.

Almost a year later,
I had a "kind of not really" boyfriend.

One day, I got tired of all the waiting and fighting
and I ended it for good.

Rewind three months earlier.

I became friends with this guy, CJ.
He was incredible; almost too good to be true.
Somehow, he made me forget about all the crap going on
and just made me laugh.
I could always count on him to cheer me up.

After I broke things off with Matt, I spent more and more time with CJ.
Some people may be thinking "rebound,"
but that's not it at all.

CJ is wonderful; unbelievable, actually.
I'm so lucky to have him in my life.

I thought I'd never find anyone,
but I did.

I fell completely in love with him.

He's not afraid to be himself.
He's goofy...adorable...
everything I could ever want.

We talk about the most random topics.
I've never felt so comfortable with anyone in my entire life.

I'm moving in about two months
only about an hour away, but still.

I want things to work between us.
More than anything.

Getting older sucks.
Everything gets harder.

I miss being a kid.

--Sami